 16 clumsy & shy.... About a year ago I took a workshop with Nicole Hardy, author of Confessions of a Latter-Day Virgin, on writing an artist statement. She ran us through a battery of quick prompts to mine our lives so we could see the connections to our art. One question was about our early influences, which is a question that always flusters me. I don’t come from an academic family who introduced me to great works while in-utero, and I grew up on TV, pop tarts, and frozen vegetables. I listed out a few names that were true for me, but still nothing felt authentic. The next day I picked through my books and pulled out Allen’s Ginsberg’s Snapshot Poetics: A Photographic Memoir of the Beat Era. I made some notes, and kept the book by my bed for a month, eventually tossing it back into the pile of my art and photography books, which were perched on top of an old Ilford photo paper box – a box full of contact sheets, test strips, and more than a decade’s worth of photos I’d taken. I don’t know about you, but the artist statement is my most dreaded part of any residency or grant application. I often miss deadlines or abandon my application ¾ of the way through because I just can’t pull one together. Total self-sabotage. (Any other writers feel weird even applying “artist” to what they do?) I decided that it was time to get my artist statement done, just to have it in my pocket. I emailed my friend Carla who has a memoir coming out in 2019, and asked if she’d be my accountability partner and exchange drafts, giving us both (myself mainly) a deadline. When I started working on my artist statement again, I went back to what I wrote in my notebook in the days following the workshop and decided to follow the photography thread. Alongside a detailed description of Ginsberg’s photograph of Kathy Acker, I scribbled in the margin, “In 61 pages of plates, there are less than a dozen women.” Rereading this sent me back to my bookshelf, back to the photographs of Sally Mann, Mary Ellen Mark, Cindy Sherman, and Annie Leibovitz. At its heart, writing is an act of discovery. In going back to my original workshop notes, then the notes I’d written after, then exploring from there, I discovered that photography played a pivotal role in my development as an artist, as a writer. It’s so strange to me that I never saw it before. I studied photography from 7th grade through the seven years I spent getting my undergraduate degree, even taking architectural photography classes when I was majoring in urban planning. I’d also studied literature and creative writing during those times as well, and it still took me awhile to figure out that writing was maybe more than a hobby. Here’s a snip from the current over-written draft-in-progress, which I really ought to get back to since I’m 16 days past my suggested deadline.
Almost 30 years later, my writing still holds elements of the black & white photography that captivated me in my youth: the composition of the frame, the light and shadow casting nets on life’s totality, exposure and controlling the narrative as an antidote to erasure, the desire to show, show, show, show (and tell beautifully). PULL OUT YOUR NOTEBOOK! Who and what were your early influences? Are there any parts of that medium or those people that still resides within you? That shows up in your work? Feel free to post in the comments, or reach out via my contact page. I’d love to hear what you discover! xo, scu Some old work from the photo box, circa 1993 -- 1996
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The Looseleaf Reading Series is a new Seattle-based reading series co-founded by Spark A'wesome, Shelley Casey, Dawn Quinn (emeritus), Samantha Updegrave, and Suzanne Warren to create a space for woman-identified and non-binary emerging and established writers to step out of their binders and share the stage. Combining storytelling and music, the series is held at The Den in Chop Suey. The next reading is coming up on Tuesday, August 16, 2016. Doors at 7 pm, and it's gonna rule. The line up is stellar! In the third and final of these "Meet Readers" we have Max Delsohn and Natasha Marin both of Seattle. If you missed the first installment from Yi Shun Lai and Suzanne Bottelli, you can read it here, and the second set with Ramona Shore and Stephanie Barbé Hammer here. Fine print: The Den is a bar, so event is 21+. No cover. ***********************************************************************************  MAX OLIVER DELSOHN is a non-binary writer living in Seattle, Washington. His creative nonfiction has been published in Seattle University's Fragments and Cutbank Literary Magazine. He holds a B.A. in Creative Writing from Seattle University and works at front desk at the Hugo House. When he was 5 years old a duck bit his finger at Legoland. Meet Max Delsohn..... What are you reading at Loose Leaf on 8/16? I'm going to read a piece about my experience working in customer service. It's called "Nice to Trans You." Who’s a writer you’re stoked on right now? What’s exiting about their work? Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore. I just finished her memoir, The End of San Francisco. Her commitment to telling the truth, both in her writing and her activism, guides me unlike anything else right now. And the way she innovates with language and form-- it's a fearless, beautifully written book. It's a deeply-needed sock in the teeth to the cowardice, gaslighting, and selfishness that dominates so much of American culture. Mattilda's work just makes you smarter, I'm convinced. Is there a quote / soundtrack for how your week is going? This was a big week for me, as I told my parents I've started testosterone therapy. Thankfully, they were supportive! As someone with obsessive-compulsive disorder, though, it's particularly exhausting for me to wade through my obsessive doubts to confidently assert who I am and what I want. So my soundtrack for the week is the song "Existential Crisis Hour!" by Kilo Kish played on repeat for 45 minutes, then a combination of songs by DoNormaal, Sia, and Nicolas Jaar so I can find my way back to joy. Anything coming up for you in the near future? Right now I'm deep in the hellscape that is submitting to literary journals. I'm also continuing to work on a web series with my friend Alex Masuoka. It's a dark buddy comedy called "Kicking Air." Where can we find you online? My Twitter handle is @happygimme. I'm also on Instagram, Facebook, etc. **************************************************************************  NATASHA MARIN is a poet and interdisciplinary artist. Her written work has been translated into several languages and has been showcased in exhibitions, performances and events around the world. She is a Cave Canem fellow and a Hedgebrook alum who has been published in periodicals like Feminist Studies, African American Review, and The Caribbean Writer. She received grants from the City of Austin, Artist Trust, and the City of Seattle for community projects involving text-based, visual, performance, and multimedia art. Meet Natasha Marin....
What are you reading at Loose Leaf on 8/16? If I were to surround myself with crystal balls in the shape of a pentagram, I still wouldn't know. I am very likely to decide as I step up to the mic. I have always been a big fan of the "anti-performance" ... Who’s a writer you’re stoked on right now? What’s exciting about their work? I'm excited to read Quenton Baker's forthcoming book. Quenton isn't afraid to make people feel uncomfortable by speaking eloquently and frankly about anti-black racism. Otherwise, I do most of my reading on social media. It makes me sad to admit, but it's true. Is there a quote / soundtrack for how your week is going? Thousands of racist trolls attacking me because they don't have the same grasp of the English language as I do, has made me very tired. The quote would be "Can I live?" The soundtrack would be "This Used To Be My Playground" on loop. Anything coming up for you in the near future? I will be relaxing in an overwater villa in the Caribbean soon. I can't wait. I deserve this so much. We all do! Where can we find online? These days? Any of the following keyword searches will be a rich Google harvest: "Natasha Marin" "Natasha Marin Seattle" "Natasha Marin Reparations" Please note: I am not Cheech Marin's wife, the concert pianist. Author of Milk, Creator of #WomanCentered, Red Lineage, & Miko Kuro's Midnight Tea Okay, I made something that's on its way to becoming a book. It's a complete first draft: twenty-two chapters and a coda, an epigraph and a table of contents. Now, I'm working the revision toward a second draft, and I'm a little stalled at chapter 15, but it's for the best that I'm stuck because there's something it still needs to say. There's no panic, no writer's block, just a lot of walking through the city and drifting and going to bed early and seeing what my dreams have to offer up in the morning. Holding a first draft -- slipping its pages into a binder and seeing it whole -- transformed how I relate to the work, and to myself as a writer. Whatever it is you're working on, keep working it. In the final "Meet Readers" are Patty Belsick and our musician Nora Hughes. Looseleaf is a new Seattle-based reading series co-founded by Spark A'wesome, Shelley Casey, Dawn Quinn, Samantha Updegrave, and Suzanne Warren to create a space for woman-identified emerging and established writers to step out of their binders and share the stage. Combining storytelling and music, the series is held at The Den in Chop Suey. Our next reading is coming up on Tuesday, January 26, 2016. Doors at 7 pm, and it's gonna rule. I've run these quick Q+As with all the women reading and performing. In case you missed the first installment (Kristen Millares Young & Jenny Hayes), you can read it here. And the second (Casandra Lopez & Michelle Peñaloza) one is here. PATTY BELSICK What are you reading at Loose Leaf on 1/26? I'll be reading a piece from the book I'm writing (trying), tentatively titled, There's a Reason My Name Auto-Corrects to Party. It's a book based on my life and I believe, Life in general, with all of its little victories and fucked-up-ness. Who’s a writer you’re stoked on right now? What’s exiting about their work? The writer I'm in love with right now is Lidia Yuknavitch. She blows me away with her every sentence and her book, The Small Backs of Children, is my secular bible. I never lack inspiration when I read any part of it, which I devoured as soon as I got it. I'm also reading Jeanette Winterson's The Passion and feel as equally in awe. I'm empowered by strong female voices that make the world stand up and listen. Lidia is a Warrior in my eyes. What she does with words and language and emotion and art, how she intertwines them in ways that make you realize it should have always been like this - it's nothing short of amazing. Why are you out of your binder? Or, advice for stepping out of binders if you still feel stuck in one? I am Finally out of my binder! It's taken some time and some writing workshops to make me realize that my work is not dead after it's written. My last workshop in Portland, with Lidia Yuknavitch, and a room full of amazing writers, made me realize that my work is as living as I am. And for the reading on the 26th, I pulled from 3 separate pieces. It flowed together as if it had always been written that way. That would be my advice, look back at your work and let it breathe, as it truly helped me. Is there a quote / soundtrack for how your week is going? A quote for me right now comes from Winterson's book, The Passion. "She grew in secret, away from their eyes. Outwardly she was obedient and loving, but inside she was feeding a hunger that would have disgusted them if disgust itself were not an excess." Blows me the fuck away!! Anything coming up for you in the near future? In the near future, I have a writing workshop in Portland in March and my work was accepted for my attendance to the Writing By Writers Workshop at Methow Valley in May, which I'm overjoyed about. I hope to be able to read publicly more and just keep the writing flowing. Where can we find online? You can find me online at [email protected] NORA HUGHES What are you playing at Loose Leaf on 1/26? I'm playing four songs from a set I'm working on, of 10 songs in 10 languages. I've started by learning songs in languages that I know a little- Spanish, French, Welsh, and I'm going to choose languages that are increasingly difficult for me- tonal languages, languages with weird sounds my mouth doesn't want to make. At the same time, I'm looking for songs that all fit together as one set. There's this thing, that they all need to have, and I haven't been able to describe what it is, but I know when I hear it. Lyrical, sad, hopeful, direct. Something like that. But not that. But that's part of it. Who’s a writer you’re stoked on right now? What’s exiting about their work? I'm reading a compilation of essays, interviews, photos, and drawings called Women in Clothes, by Sheila Heti, Leanne Shapton, and Heidi Julavits. I've been reading it and thinking about it for two weeks and having a conversation with myself for two weeks, about what I love about it, and what I find problematic about it. Is there a quote / soundtrack for how your week is going? My friend texted me this page from Virginia Woolf's To the Lighthouse today: 
Patty Belsick Event Page! Nora Hughes
Next up in the "Meet Readers" are the extraordinary poets Casandra Lopez and our featured reader, Michelle Peñaloza. (In case you missed the first installment, you can read it here.)
Looseleaf is a new Seattle-based reading series co-founded by Spark A'wesome, Shelley Casey, Dawn Quinn, Samantha Updegrave, and Suzanne Warren to create a space for woman-identified emerging and established writers to step out of their binders and share the stage. Combining storytelling and music, the series is held at The Den in Chop Suey. Our next reading is coming up on Tuesday, January 26, 2016. Doors at 7 pm, and it's gonna rule. Over the next few days, I'll feature a couple of the readers (and the musician) with a quick Q+A. CASANDRA LOPEZ What are you reading at Looseleaf on 1/26? I am planning to read some poems. At the last Looseleaf reading, Suzanne Warren and I were discussing her reading selections. She mentioned that she thought the best fit for a bar reading was work that dealt either with sex or humor. I think I am going to take her advise. Who’s a writer you’re stoked on right now? What’s exiting about their work? Writers that excite me right now are Wendy Ortiz and Kiese Laymon. They both write in a way that speaks to me in a visceral way. I'm also a huge fan of Nayyirah Waheed's poetry so much that I have both ebook and physical copies of her books because I want to be able to easily access her words. I read a bit of it almost everyday. Why are you out of your binder? Or, advice for stepping out of binders if you still feel stuck in one? Haha. I don't know if I'm completely looseleaf. It feels like this stepping out of a binder or binders is a continual process that one needs to be conscious of. Is there a quote / soundtrack for how your week is going? the wounds have changed me. i am so soft with scars my skin breathes and beats stars. Nayyirah Waheed Why are you out of your binder? Or, advice for stepping out of binders if you still feel stuck in one? Anything coming up for you in the near future? I will be reading for Margin Shift on February 19 at CAM in Belltown Where can we find online? twitter: @casandramlopez http://asusjournal.org/ https://casandramlopez.wordpress.com/ MICHELLE PEÑALOZA What are you reading at Looseleaf on 1/26? I'll be reading a poem or two from each of my chapbooks and then several new and not-in-chapbooks poems. Who’s a writer you’re stoked on right now? What’s exiting about their work? I've read Cathy Linh Che's Split, but then I heard her read at Margin Shift last week, which made me return to it; that book is just incredible. So unflinching. So moving. So good. I also have been doing a sort of slow-burn read of Aracelis Girmay's Kingdom Animalia. I admire her control and her trust in her poems' syntax. Why are you out of your binder? Or, advice for stepping out of binders if you still feel stuck in one? Is there a quote / soundtrack for how your week is going?
Anything coming up for you in the near future?
In March and April I'll be doing some traveling (I think? Offers have been made but contracts have not been signed so...). Where can we find online? michellepenaloza.com On the Twitter: @pennyzola
Looseleaf is a new Seattle-based reading series co-founded by Spark A'wesome, Shelley Casey, Dawn Quinn, Samantha Updegrave, and Suzanne Warren to create a space for woman-identified emerging and established writers to step out of their binders and share the stage. Combining storytelling and music, the series is held at The Den in Chop Suey. Our next reading is coming up on Tuesday, January 26, 2016. Doors at 7 pm, and it's gonna rule. Over the next few days, I'll feature a couple of the readers (and the musician) with a quick Q+A. First up, Kristen Millares Young and Jenny Hayes. Both formidable forces of writing nature. KRISTEN MILLARES YOUNG What are you reading at Looseleaf on 1/26? I'll be reading from my novel Subduction, a tragic love story between an anthropologist and a hoarder's son. Who’s a writer you’re stoked on right now? What’s exiting about their work? I've been reading Eula Biss, who seamlessly weaves her personal experience with deep research in On Immunity: An Inoculation. Why are you out of your binder? Or, advice for stepping out of binders if you still feel stuck in one? I'm out of my binder by the grace of Samantha Updegrave, who created an opportunity for me and others to share our work. Anything coming up for you in the near future? I'll be reading with Jordan Hartt at Hugo House on Friday, March 11th, to celebrate the second printing of Leap, his book of poetry. Where can we find online? Find me at kristenmyoung.com or on Twitter, @kristenmillares. ***** JENNY HAYES What are you reading at Looseleaf on 1/26? I'll be reading some bit of short fiction (specifics to be determined at the last minute, most likely) ... and maybe a poem or two if I'm feeling fancy. Who’s a writer you’re stoked on right now? What’s exiting about their work? I've read several of my friend Margaret Elysia Garcia's stories, both in publications and in writing classes we've taken together, and now I'm finally making my way through her collection Sad Girls, published by SolsticeLit Books last year. It's an eBook ... and I really prefer reading print, so if I'm actually reading an eBook it's gotta be worthy. I just love her writing: it's lyrical and heartfelt and also has hilarious lines like "Ewww. Yuck! There's a Goth asleep in my Jacuzzi!" Why are you out of your binder? Or, advice for stepping out of binders if you still feel stuck in one? Be the binder you want to see in the world. Or even better, be your own loose leaf. (I'm not sure exactly what this means, but I'll stand by it.) Is there a quote / soundtrack for how your week is going? I love this quote from John Cage because I always need to remind myself. It works for pretty much any week, and this one is no exception: "I really think it's important to be in a situation, both in art and in life, where you don't understand what is going on." Anything coming up for you in the near future? The future is wide open. See also: the quote above. Where can we find online? jennyhayes.com and @jennyha_yes on Twitter!
More witchyness. That's not so much a New Year's resolution as it is a recommitment to life. To all the wondrous, strange, twisting strands of it: mornings of inky pens and a few yoga movements to greet the sun that's still on its way over the Cascades, mediations on and off the cushion, sweeping the floor while the turntable spins Joan Baez or Childbirth, womb massages, drifting in and out of dreams. Asking questions. What's blocking me and what is the way forward to finish the first draft of my book?  The eel reminds me I am a warrior and this is warrior work of wisdom. The bows tell me to discard what is no longer serviceable, and that the fire and sparks are still alive even when I let go of old habits. And the green woman, well damn. She's the sovereign female archetype and the first person I'm meeting as I walk through the threshold.
I climbed back into bed, partly because I was a touch hungover and partly because I was curious about intention. Is asking a question a way to open a door? I stood on a bridge over a ravine cut by a river, reaching for a big yellow balloon. My son was on a train nearby, waiting for me. My fingers tugged at the string. The balloon was heavy and had a pull; that it floated and drifted seemed impossible. It snagged in one of the steel trestles and I yanked. The train began to move and I yelled, "Wait!" and all the passengers yelled, "Wait!" and the conductor slowed but started again toward the high bridge. I had to choose: the balloon or the train with my son. I let go and ran. Hopped into the moving train. As it passed by the balloon, I heard people murmur -- was I going to try again and reach out for it? I smiled at the balloon, at its silly rounded shape lodged between pieces of steel, and looked forward. Freelance work. And a bourbon. Some nights, it's a good life. And these books are incredible. But more on that later.  |
